Worry, Part Deux

Cloudy days are ok, but not all in a row. We've had quite a few, and it appears that we are in for another week of it. Why is it that cloudy days are downers?

Someone once said that the sun is shining on cloudy days. It's just that the sun is above the clouds. Well, my first response to this is to cringe. Ugh...Who do you think you are, Oprah? Shut up already!

But when I think about it, I guess that's what it's like when I worry. The worry-thoughts just cover up the sun that really is there...really it is. Just can't see it because I'm too busy concentrating on the clouds.

A minister once gave a sermon on worry. He said that worry is a sin because when you worry, you aren't trusting that God will do what's best for you. You're relying on human efforts and not "letting go and letting God".

I kind of bought into that for a while. I tried my best, but I just couldn't conquer the fear. What if God's choice for my betterment was to allow something awful to happen? Something that would test my faith? Something that would lead me, or worse, my loved ones, to harm in order to fulfill some larger good?

Yeesh. I think too much sometimes.

I tried all the self-help gurus' ideas. Breathe.....slow down thoughts.....question your assumptions.....reword.....ask if there are any alternatives.....

You know, they all make such perfect sense when I'm not worried. When I'm worried, though, I'd just like to tell them to take their advice and take a flying leap.

Interestingly, where I have found the most comfort when I worry----- is in commiserating with another person who not only worried a lot, but had very good reason to worry.

And in finding this person and connecting with his worries, I found that maybe if worry is a sin, then I am in excellent company.

About a year ago, something happened that was of another person's doing but could have led to awful consequences for me. It really shook me to the core. Although I insisted on taking action to resolve it quickly, I was thwarted by that aforementioned other person, who had the power to....well...to thwart.

Worry, frustration, powerlessness. A terrible cocktail.

I opened the Bible one morning to Psalms. Now, I must admit that even though I had gotten into the habit of reading the Bible often, I usually passed by Psalms thinking that it was "all the same old stuff." You know, Psalms 23 was familiar along with a few verses in chapter 121 and others. But overall, without having really read much more than that, I hate to say that I regarded Psalms as "tedious".

I couldn't have been more wrong.

For some reason, which just might have been the grace of God, I did start reading Psalms and continued right on through to Chapter 150, verse 6 that day. And I found another person who also worried a lot: King David. Like I said, if worry is a sin, then I was in excellent company.

Wow, the emotions he expressed. The depths of sadness and despair he described. He was a person who knew danger and rejection and fear, and he recorded his thoughts so deeply and clearly.

"I am worn out from sobbing. Every night tears drench my bed; my pillow is wet from weeping."

"How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?"

"I am bent over and racked with pain. My days are filled with grief. A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed."

And somehow, though I was in no mortal danger like he was, I could relate to this. It was like the words were speaking to me. I cried with King David. I moaned with King David. And once I realized how much I was identifying with him, I could also feel the rest of his words working inside me.

"I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from all my fears. For the angel of the Lord guards all who fear him, and he rescues them."

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each on in your book." "I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?"

And my favorite:

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me ..."

The worry-thoughts still come. Sometimes they have a logical source and sometimes they just bushwack me. But I know where I can go to find someone who can relate to what I'm feeling. And someone who found the comfort that I seek. And someone who gives me the comfort I need.

Yup, the worry-thought clouds sometimes try to hide the Son. But He's still there. I just have to look in the right place.